Sunflowers634043 (Jan 26, 2001): I am 21 and married. I moved out of my parents house at 18 because I couldn't deal with my dads mood swings or his drinking anymore. Now he seems to have gotten worse. A friend of mine went over to my parents house one day and saw how he was acting and my mom told her about all this stuff that had been going on. My friend then said she recognized the signs of him having manic depression. I want to know what the signs are (things are getting really bad there and I'm scared for my 2 younger sisters and my mom) and I wanted to know if there was anything I could do to help. It doesn't help that he's making my mom depressed (she really is .I don't know what you'd call it yet though) and she has become addicted to prescription medication for her headaches). Any information would be very much appreciated thank you for listening

Kristy (Jan 30, 2001): If you have this it is not the end of your life. It may seem like it some days. But all I have to say is do not give up!!! I have the same thing you do.... It may make some days feel longer and harder.. You may cry.. But there will be a end.. I cant say it enough... DON'T GIVE UP!!!!!!!

Joanna (Feb 7, 2001): I just found out today that I am bipolar. For six years I have thought I was ADHD and that nothing I did could help me, but I found out that I have been attacking the wrong problem the whole time. I really need some information so please send me anything, even a few words of encouragement, I will always reply ... Zombie_13@yahoo.com

Joan (Feb 15, 2001): My name is Joan. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder over a year ago. With medication and therapy I feel I am slowly getting my life back. I am a kind hearted, friendly person. I just wish I could do more to help the people in my life understand how it has affected my life and what the disorder really is.

Ryan (Feb 26, 2001): Bi-polar disorder is a very hard illness to cope with. I'm still learning how to go about handling day to day life. But one thing I can be proud of is that I do have a mind of my own. It is not CONTROLLED by my illness. I have very strong opinions, and I am determined and head strong. Bi-polar disorder has many advantages, but the key is to find out what the advantages are for you, and then to overcome the disadvantages. My advantage is that I am very creative, and have a lot of musical talent, which I use to the fullest extent in my punk rock band. Just take what life throws at you and use it against itself. take care.

Vivian Ayala (Diagnosed with bipolar at age 19, March 5, 2001): Having bipolar disorder has changed my life and am taking the right medication to better my heath both emotionally and mentally.

During my early years as a teenager I enjoyed life and I traveled with my parents to their beautiful homeland Bolivia. Bolivia produces herbal medicines coca leaves and Peru is well known for it's archaeology, ancient sculptors and the silvered covered llama that was made in 1500.

Dear McMan I wanted to say thanks for putting your new website on depression and bipolar disorders. I wanted to say that friends, loved ones, and family members have the right to be understood and be treated with respect.

I am now 23 years and I also have a learning disability am a slow, learner but I still enjoy learning new things at Laney College it's located in Oakland, CA. It's located in Chinatown between 7th and 8th street.

Thank you very much, John McManamy you are true inspiration. Keep up the good wok. Sincerly Vivian Ayala a hard working college student.

McMan (March 5): You are the inspiration, Vivian. Keep it up.

salmonstuff@yahoo.com (March 13, 2001): Getting help for bipolar depression is akin to walking around with an extended open flame thrower, not popular. Too many physicians are not open to vitamin supplements or new treatments, be they conventional or otherwise. I am not attempting to make light , I try more remedies than Carter has liver pills. I'm open to sharing ideas.

Tita (March 15, 2001): I read your article, and for once I can feel that I'm not alone with this disorder, It's so relieving for me to be able to talk and really communicate with others. I'm totally new with being on the internet, what a great way to get new information, and hopefully chat with someone. I look forward to hearing from you. I don't know just how much I should be saying about my bi-polar disorder, I would really like to hear from others about what kind of medications are being given for their therapy.

Look forward to hearing from somebody. Email address is mommybear916@yahoo.com

JLW (April 4, 2001): I have read may of the items in this news letter, but still don't know the exact meaning of "Bipolar". With the exception of actually trying to commit suicide, I have all the other symptoms. Can somebody, in plain English, tell me what this condition illness? Thanks

McMan (April 4): The simple explanation, JLW, is a chemical imbalance in the brain results in extreme moodswings, from deep depression to different kinds of emotional highs (from exuberance to rage). The condition used to be called manic depression, and many still prefer the term. Lithium and other mood stabilizers can ameliorate the extreme highs and lows, often in combination with other meds, and talking therapy also helps, along with healthy lifestyle choices. Hope this helps.

Hugo (May 5, 2001): It is sometimes hard to use your own logic, imagination and intuition to find ways to cope with this ever-changing reality. Still, within your own errors lie a searching and a promise for better times. Hang in there, learn, and seek in different directions. Eventually you increase your changes of improvement.

Ashley (May 15, 2001): My step mom has bipolar and she don't take her meds so she is in and out of the hospital all the time. I really don't think she like's me cuz she will call me and threaten me all the time. I think it might be because she doesn't take her med's, but I don't know. My aunt has the symptoms but won't get tested for it so I don't know what to do.

Jim (May 20, 2001): I am going through an extremely difficult time in my life. I am married with a wonderful son and a sometimes wonderful wife. My wife has had periods of depression, job anxiety, constant irritability, little sense of humor, combined with irrational plans and ideas....she also is fatigued though she gets plenty of rest. I have tried to be as supportive as I know how but she does not seem to listen to any of my suggestions...frankly she thinks that she is fine and that her severe mood swings are my fault. I actually had to move out a few months ago attempting to prompt her to seek help. This has also not worked and now she resents me on an even higher level. I do love her but can not seem to get through to her. Can anyone help?

Jenna (June 15, 2001): I'm bipolar, I hated it whenever I was in the hospital. I used to cut myself a lot too. It's a horrible thing. But don't hide it. That makes it worse..... I hid it and was bad but once I was more open, I did it less and less.

Keith Wimmer (June 16, 2001): I have suffered from bipolar (diagnosed-Rapid Cycle Bipolar Disorder for thirty years. I have been an outpatient for twenty. I do not experience mania, though not often hypomania. The last twenty years it has been a frustrating trial and error trying to find something that will alleviate the pain of depression.

The disease has taken a heavy toll. After my divorce and loss of job. I lost eight low paying jobs within a period of six months. Then I found a job I was good at. Found another that corresponds to my education. I have two Master's degrees in the education field. I like it pretty well but my short term memory is so bad I fear losing the job I have that pays pretty well for a single person.

I live in an old Motor Home in a Camp ground. I have a few friends but being single and not having a girlfriend or any friends to do anything with. I have no social life. I am creative, but not a genius. On the job, I have had difficulty with some teachers simply because of that fact. I had to quickly write out and draw a color sheet one morning to use for k-3 and two months later I'm video-taping the talent show and I was a bit shocked when four students had turned the color sheet into a song. They won second place. I kept my mouth shut, because a person like me gets into trouble from things like that.

Suicidal ideation is so common to me that I declare it as a natural emotion; like frustration or infatuation. My grandfather on my mothers side committed suicide at age 65. I feel it is genetic.

Do I believe this can be cured? Well, my background is in science education. I take research seriously. But not knowing exactly where this problem is centered within the nervous system; well I'll put it this way. If you cannot cure it without damaging vital parts of the nervous system, no, I don't
Otherwise yes.

I do have hope. I believe that my problem is a waxing and waning of neurotransmitters from a basically normal amount to perhaps to little which is what I believe to be the nature of the cycles. How to reveal the origin of that well, My hopes are with the research being done at NIMH.

Barbara (June 24, 2002): This is in reply to the message written about family not understanding the illness of bipolar. I have had such a hard time trying to get my life on "track" and live like a normal person. I was in the motel business for years with my mother but would suffer for months on end with major depression; employees would have to help me to get out of bed just to make it downstairs where all I could do was sit , rocking back and forth and could not even sit still like a normal person. There are no words to describe the pain and suffering that go along with the illness. When I wasn't in the throes of depression, then I would be in a manic state, having enormous energy trying to open our restaurant , run the motel and attend college all at the same time. I am trying to finish my degree now but am hurting financially. I need to get a part time job but it is so hard when the mood swings are so debilitating. How can you explain to family and friends the difficulty in accomplishing simple tasks? I am not able to afford my medication at the present time, my psychiatrist doesn't seem to understand the illness, so I am trying to experiment with natural remedies to get me through this difficult time. It is a relief to see that other people are having these same problems, and that its not just because I am an inferior person.

Jamie (July 14, 2001): Hello I am a 23 year old male. I have been diagnosed with just Depression then OCD then I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia, put on meds for that and slept a year of my life away. Then I moved to my mother's because I could not take care of myself. I was doing very well where I was before I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia, I was going to College and doing very well for having dyslexia on top of it all and low self esteem. I then finally after 22 years on this earth was told that I had Bipolar Disorder. The main point that I wanted to make was that I was put on an antidepressant at one time and the Dr thought that I had Bipolar before prescribing the antidepressant. So he prescribed the antidepressant " PAXIL " and I went BALLISTIC. I thought that I was going to kill my mother. I lost every loving thought that I had in my body. I have been off all meds for about 6 months and feel much better. I do need something to help me stop talking but not stop thinking... I am afraid that I will go ballistic again.

Also, life is Bipolar Life is NEG and POS. Take care all of you I love all of you...

Angel (July 25, 2001): My friend has been struggling a lot lately with depression. I have been trying to get him to seek help because I love him and care about his well-being. His emotions are like a roller coaster which makes me believe he may be bipolar, however he doesn't really have mania so sometimes I think it's just serious depression. Schizophrenia also runs in his family so that may be a factor. This is affecting our relationship as a couple because he pushes me away every time he gets "down". Although even when he's "down" he says that he knows that he loves me but he feels empty inside. Then a week or so later he feels better and we end up being back together only to have the same thing happen again. I have recently gotten him some phone numbers for counseling centers and he has called to make an appointment. I am trying to do the best I can to stick by him through this because even though he pushes me away, I know he still needs me to be there for him. Is there anything else I can do to help him take the first step and get to a doctor? And what else can I do as a friend to help support him? I have learned a lot from your website - thank you!

McMan (July 25): Hi, Angel. You might try printing out some of the articles on this site and showing them to him. You can also buy a few books, which might at least get him used to the idea that he may have a problem, a problem that is treatable. You can check out some of the books in the Books section of this site or go to Amazon.com and search under Depression or Bipolar. Hope this helps.

Jennifer (Aug 8, 2001): thank you...that article explains it best...i have been trying to research bipolar disorder and narcissism and find very little information that is helping to understand what a very close friend and lover is going thru...most of our relationship has been up and down because i don't really understand what he goes thru...now at least i have a little bit of knowledge...i just wish i could find more information...

Gary (Aug 16): This is the most profound statement on my illness that I have, as of yet, been able to find. Faith in the medical profession has never been something I have given up to and this article explains accurately why.

I too was diagnosed with unipolar depression, and I too fell victim to the effects of extreme mania because of this treatment. It is almost assuredly the reason I lost a great job and now am unemployed. The anti-depressant that I was taking, which eludes me due to the amount of medication switching, and the anti-psychotic, Risperdal, were well enough to throw me into the canyons of insanity. Fits of hysterical laughter followed by tears I had never known were my reward for the treatment I received.

Since that time I have been hospitalized and placed on Depakote, an anti-depressant, Zyprexa, an anti-psychotic, and Ativan, a nerve pill, all of which I have ceased taking due to the long term effects that they can have. I am no stranger to substance dependence, which I have no desire to continue with for my well being, but long term physical effects; such as twitching are something that I will absolutely not tolerate.

I would like to thank the author of this article for such an insightful read.

K's Mom (Sept 9 2001): Thank you to everyone who has shared. My prayers go out to each of you. My son (16) was diagnosed with Bipolar at age 9. My dad (doctor) was quite moody, self-medicated, & committed suicide late in life w/o diagnosis. Recently, step-sis diagnosed with bipolar, so diagnosis probably correct. Of course, we (his parents) didn't believe it at first, but continued to seek professional assistance...many, many psychiatrists & psychologists...lots (25+) of different medication trials/combos...3 hospitalizations...literally tons of family therapy...went to NAMI & taught them some stuff. (GREAT EDUCATION & SUPPORT GROUP) However, nothing works. He has been seeing (good relationship) the same psychiatrist & psychologist for over 3 years now, and we have recently added a neurologist to explore neuro component of medication failure. He rapid cycles, leans to depression, & has violent outbursts. (The police know our house!) Re: pain...he has a "sensitive" stomach & has developed chest pain in the sternum. Question: He blames all of his problems on Lithium. In January, the doctor took him off Depakote & placed him on Lithium. We were very careful to get weekly blood levels, etc. However, he experienced night terrors the first night on Lithium. Thought it was a reaction with Prozac, so stopped it. They continued & soon visual & auditory disturbances ensued. After lots of med tweaks, he finally went in the hospital...back on Depakote/Effexor/Risperdal/etc. Meds continue to be a source of difficulty. However, he still has occasional night terrors & visual & auditory disturbances & is depressed. He also complains that he can no longer read. (Very bright...taught himself to read before age 4...& is an avid reader.) He blames us, meds, etc. & contemplates suicide. Has anyone you know had such a negative experience with Lithium? If so, did anything help later? Is this a normal progression of the disorder? I would greatly appreciate any comments ....

Anonymous (Sept 18, 2001): I guess I have be luckier at work the past three years than for most mentally ill. My boss is understanding because she occasionally has to take time off for migraines. Two people in the lab (both men) want flexible time because they both have small children. We have had people through here who were not dependable or emotionally stable and they lack diagnoses. As my boss pointed out to me everybody has their limitations. She told me once I was the most stable one in the lab.

Anonymous (Oct 19, 2001): Both of my parents have bipolar. My mom takes medication to control it. My dad quit taking medication about five years ago. He quit cold turkey. Today(Oct.19,2001)he says he is Jesus Christ and calls my mom the black eye devil and wants to put her six feet underground. He wants to kill her. He prays and shouts and listens to gospel music and turns it up as loud as it will go. My mom is out of the house now and is safe. We called 911 and they went to his house but did not take him. He needs help. Nobody will help. His mind is racing and I think he is suicidal. He will not get help on his own. He thinks he is just fine. What can I do to get him help? If the cops cant help, who can? It could be to late. Nobody is with him, he is at home alone. So nobody knows what he is doing. I am afraid he could have a stroke or a heart attack or worse. I don't wont him to hurt himself or anyone else. Please tell me what to do.

McMan (Oct 19): Don't be afraid to keep calling 911. The next time you may be lucky. The harsh reality is he will probably be back on the street within a few days, but there is a small chance that this may be what you need to get him back to earth and on his meds.

Julie (Oct 27, 2001): I HAVE BIPOLAR AND I ACCEPT IT BECAUSE I HAVE TO. IF I HAD A CHANCE IN LIFE TO GO BACK AND CHOOSE WHAT MY LIFE COULD HAVE BEEN LIKE I WOULD ACCEPT IT, SO I DEAL WITH IT. I AM A GOOD HEARTED PERSON AND I AM LIKE JUST ANY OTHER NORMAL HUMAN BEING.

Julie (Oct 27, 2001): FAMILY MEMBERS SHOULD GET INTO SUPPORT GROUPS THAT HAVE SOMEONE WHO HAS BIPOLAR IN THEIR FAMILY. TRY TO UNDERSTAND THEIR SIDE AND REALIZE NO ONE IS TO BLAME FOR THEIR ILLNESS. BIPOLAR IS SOMETHING THAT NO ONE ASKS FOR AND IT CAN COME ON IN ANY TIME OF LIFE. I HAVE BIPOLAR TWO AND MY FAMILY AND CO WORKERS ARE VERY SUPPORTIVE OF ME. AT ONE TIME I FELT EMBARRASSED BECAUSE OF WHAT I HAVE BUT PEOPLE DON'T THINK OF ME AS CRAZY, THEY THINK OF ME AS A REGULAR HUMAN BEING THAT HAS THIS DISORDER AND THAT I HAVE HAD TO ACCEPT IT AS THEY HAVE HAD TO. ONE THING SOME PEOPLE DO IS CRITICIZE THE PERSON FOR THEIR MOOD SWINGS OF A PERSON WITH BIPOLAR AND INSTEAD OF CRITICIZING WE MUST UNDERSTAND WHAT GOES ON IN THAT PERSONS BODY AND CHANGES THEY GO THROUGH. FOR HELP AND SUPPORT FOR FAMILIES FOR YOUR AREA LOOK TO THE NAMI PROGRAM FOR A SUPPORT GROUP IN YOUR AREA. WANTED TO PASS THIS ONTO EVERYONE BECAUSE MY MOM IS IN A SUPPORT GROUP TO UNDERSTAND ME. ANYTIME ANYONE WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO ME CAN EMAIL ME AT JULIEA@37.COM