Andrew's Story

My first experience of depression was when I was 46. I had a great, successful and fun filled life up until then. Suddenly a dark cloud came over me and I did not know what to do. I spoke to a heart surgeon friend who suggested I see a psychiatrist friend of his. Unfortunately he was out of town so I went to my doctor. He also diagnosed depression, put me on Prozac, and referred me to a psychologist. All this was new to me and very scary.

I took my Prozac regularly and went to see the psychologist. Unfortunately I did not relate to him and gave it up after two months. I remember him clearly saying he thought I was acting a bit manic, but this meant nothing to me. (In hindsight it is obvious that the psychologist did not keep my doctor informed; otherwise he should have discontinued the Prozac).

Nine months later I was indulging my family in extravagant Christmas gifts. They did not complain because I said I was doing very well at work.

Following this I visited my doctor four times for a physical checkup because I had so much uncharacteristic energy that I was concerned that my body could not take it. I also suggested I come off Prozac as I was feeling fine. He said no, because there was a lot of unusual stress in our country (South Africa) and I needed it to cope. I subsequently learnt that my wife also visited him on a few occasions and described my unusual behavior.

I finally ended up with full-blown mania and I was hospitalized under a psychiatrist for three weeks and put on "downers".

Four months later, the fun was over. I hit the wall and attempted suicide. Then followed six months of lying under the bedclothes dosed up on antidepressants. Only after ECT did my mood lift. I took lithium and an antidepressant and functioned well for two years.

Then I lost my job (a new boss found out about my illness and maneuvered me out) and so started the merry-go-round of mania, depression, and suicide attempts.

Nine years later I am battling on, divorced (ex still a friend), lost all but two friends (probably the only true ones), blown all my pension and savings on crazy business ideas ,and am now trying to regroup. Typical story I guess.

The question that remains with me is: if I had been taken off Prozac earlier would I still have become bipolar? I remain convinced that my mania could have been stopped earlier. The medics here in South Africa all protect each other and thus say I was always bipolar and would have manifested itself sooner or later. This, despite no apparent history of Bipolar in our family, and that my onset started at the very late age of 46.

My Awakening

I was released from hospital a month ago after suffering one of my depressions and several very exciting things have happened to me.

First, when I was saying goodbye to a youngster of 25 (I am 55) who appeared to be suffering more than me, he said to put my trust in God, even though it may be very difficult at times. Prior to that I found it hard to be a "believer" because of all the pain and suffering in the world. Anyway, that evening I got down on my knees and made an effort at speaking to God.

Since then I pray each night, read a small book available in South Africa called "Faith for Daily Living" and the Bible. I find that it helps to put me at peace and I hope I can maintain this through thick and thin. A friend of mine has also put me in touch with a priest and I hope this will also enhance my spiritual healing.

Second, I contacted the Anxiety and Depression Support Group whose advert I found in the newspaper. They put me onto the Bipolar Support Group in Johannesburg where I live. I attended a meeting the following evening, which I found very stimulating and interesting. I hope they will help and support me and that I likewise will be able to make my contribution. What disturbs me is that I found them through a newspaper advert. No psychiatrist, psychologist, social worker or mental institution has ever mentioned them to me over my past nine years of suffering.

Third, from the support group I got your website which I have spent many an hour browsing through, learning and absorbing. I find it very encouraging and agree totally with "knowledge is a necessity". I intend making others aware of your website, including my psychiatrist.

Fourth, I realized I had bipolar rather than bipolar had me; hence I have now taken ownership of it. I have now started working hard at educating myself and look forward to gaining the most I can out of my psychiatrist, support group, and your website, amongst others. Hopefully things such as friends and new found interests in life will follow.

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