We know that bipolar disorder is a horrific illness. But do you also regard it as a gift that you would not trade to be normal? Feel free to elaborate.

Barbara (March 10, 2004):  From my personal experience with BP, I in no way consider this illness a gift.  Perhaps if I were predominantly manic, I would see things differently.  My illness has brought mostly pain to myself and those close to me over the years. 

My daughter is also predominantly depressed, and spent the past four years in physical pain working her way back to "life" after a suicide attempt in early 2000.  She, too, does not consider herself gifted.  She had made amazing progress and had learned to walk again, then on February 28 was in a horrific auto accident and is at this writing still hospitalized in intensive care.  She suffered numerous broken bones, including three serious fractures to both legs.

Whether my daughter will be able to endure the pain of starting over with PT and learning to walk for the third time in her life remains to be seen.

Bipolar a gift?  I think not.  I want to be normal, at any cost.  But mostly, I want her to be normal.  We have had it!  We are tired of this.

Nicole (March 11, 2004):  I suppose I do think of bipolar as a gift, but I can't say that I would or would not "trade" it for being "normal."  Through the years and various stages (evolution?) of my illness, I have spent long hours considering how bipolar makes me different from other people.  Sometimes I even consider the extremity of my condition and how, in some ways, it makes me different from other people who are bipolar.  It seems that everything about being bipolar is a gift and a curse at the same time and I don't know that living that experience is any different from people who are "normal."  If "normal" means people who aren't bipolar I am observant that people who don't have bipolar are often faced with other circumstances that I don't have (thankfully) and wouldn't want.

My bipolar is such an integrated part of my being that it is impossible for me imagining trading it anymore that I could imagine trading my voice.  It has shaped my spirituality and helped me to live, love, and have gratitude.  Because I know it will sometimes feel unbearable, I fill my world with reminders that I am responsible for my health and personal growth.  I accept responsibility to do the best I can and always strive to learn more and do better.  Entertaining any notion of  "trading" something that is beyond my control to change is a destructive indulgence that would keep me from growing.  I think that would be true even if I were "normal" (although I might not have the insight).  I suppose "the grass is always greener" is something I have necessarily left behind.

Elizabeth (March 12, 2004):  Thank you Nicole for your wisdom. I am going to print out what you wrote and let it remind me what I too have discovered--we each have our own pathways. We can learn from other people's pathways, gain friends and even struggle with foes to glimpse at the world from other viewpoints, but in the end we are on our own pathways. 

Tina (March 12, 2004):  It would be hard to consider Bipolar as a gift as it comes with suicide attempts and suicidal thoughts and planning.  I have basically lost many years of my life to this soul sucking illness known as bipolar.  At 48, I am beginning to wonder if I will ever get my life back.  Between the depressions, the fear of and longing for manias, the side effects from the medications, the expense of the treatment (especially the meds), the stress that this has put on my family and friends, the ever fearful eye watching my daughter for symptoms, the lost sleep and excess of sleep and the constant self monitoring of all my actions that I must do, I would eagerly return this "gift".  Also, the stigma that being bipolar brings with it  and so much more. If there is someone who thinks of this as a gift and would like to trade, please, choose me.

Kendra (March 12, 2004):  In some ways I do consider being bipolar a gift.  I can not imagine any other way to exist.  Being bipolar has made me do some real soul searching. I have spent many years searching hard and deep.  I like the person that I am and feel I know the person that I am.  If it were not for this disorder, I think I would live life on the surface.  Sure the depressions are difficult some times and the manias can be great to a point.  (I really like being able to get by on a few hours of sleep).  But I try to hold the moods at a distance while grasping tightly to the person that I am.  As far as trading it for being normal - well I consider myself normal - a normal person who happens to be bipolar.  I wouldn't trade the person I am for the world.

Maureen (March 13, 2004):  Bipolar disorder in NO GIFT!  At 39, I have been to Hell and back more times than I can count.  I am now in a "low" state and have been for a while.  I see creatures.  I only want to be with my pets, not my husband and kids.  I fear my children will inherit this disease.  My own priest says I am an "unacceptable" candidate to teach CCD because of my illness/medications!  I will gladly return this gift if someone will point me in the direction of the Customer Service Counter of life.

(Sidebar:  Avoid watch the new Fox series "Cracked Up."  It is offensive and humiliating to anyone who has ever suffered from mental illness.  Peace.)

Susan (March 14, 2004):  I don't know. If you had asked me this, a year ago in early 2003, I would have said, yes, absolutely. That was following a hospitalization that was frankly, just a few degrees short of Cuckoo's nest, including ECT.

Now all I can say is what a difference 16 months makes. I am married to the love of my life, and things are going good. So I can honestly say no I would not trade. Being bipolar has made me touch heaven but been to hell. I don't know any normal people that can say that. So I will take the inconvenience of the disease, all the awful meds, the problems I have with it the ultra rapid cycling because like I said, to loose the feeling, the sensations that a normal person wouldn't feel, not to experience what it is like to be on Mt. Olympus one moment and the next in Hades and the creativity and the heightened senses, maybe it's just me but I don't know what normal is. To me normal is a setting on the washer machine.

I've had this illness since I was four. I don't know what it would be like not to have it. And that scares me. I don't want to know.

LilacsnMay (March 14, 2004):  This is definitely not a gift to me.  My illness has caused me so much pain and shame.  I would like to know what normal feels like.  My daughter was just diagnosed bipolar.  She's 14.  She's been self-harming, taking too many pills, cutting, burning etc.  She doesn't sleep, and then she doesn't wake up.  She's in danger of repeating the 8th grade because she won't go to school at all.  She was an A student, labeled talented and gifted at a young age.  Our life is painful, watching her go through this is painful.  I try to put on a front for her sake but get so depressed myself watching her.  This isn't a gift, it's a curse.  Give me life.

Joyce (March 15, 2004):  I was diagnosed with manic depression 20 years ago.  I'm 43 now, and I feel being bipolar is very much a curse.  I'm a talented person with a master's degree, but I have no partner, no family, no children, no full-time job, no career, no house, etc, etc.  I have given in to my diagnosis, which is tragic.

I know if I had better self-esteem, I would like and appreciate myself just the way I am.  I would revel in my talents as a writer and artist, and I might even revel in the extreme moods I've had.  But the depressions.  Oh, the depressions.  I don't know why I haven't killed myself yet.  I just haven't been successful at it.  Whether I commit suicide or not isn't even the issue, because I have been dead inside for many years now.  Stagnant and isolated, unable to create, and alone.

My greatest wish would be if the world changed, instead of me.  If I could find a place where people would like me for exactly who I am, and not be afraid or treat me differently for being eccentric or unusual.  I have been treated like a scary criminal a few too many times in my life.

I wish I could join a group of 'high functioning' bipolar people, integrated with 'normal' people and artists, and feel comfortable to be myself.  Be appreciated for who I am and why I have so much emotion and so much to say and express as an artist.

Alas, I'm too scared to reach out and find such a group.  The world is too big and scary a place, and the stigma weighs so heavy on my soul, I have been in hiding for almost a decade.

Right now, I am trying to piece some kind of life for myself back together, and maybe if I'm lucky, I'll be able to write my greatest story, "A Bushel of Apples for my Father," the one I started in 1993.  If my art is all I have left to live for, it will have to do for now.

I feel like my bipolar illness and my low self-esteem have definitely ruined my life.  I could have created and accomplished so much  otherwise.

Corinne (March 16, 2004):  I firmly believe that there is no "normal," and I am a Roman Catholic who strives to be grateful for what I get and keep the faith, so I say that I wouldn't trade being bipolar for normalcy. I'm a college freshman and I experienced my first symptoms in 2002, my senior year in high school...I can't say I liked mania (I think it was actually mixed with depression), because it was confusing and my grades stank big time for the first time in my life and I did a few things I'm not proud of, but I enjoy being creative enough to write poetry. (Who knows if it's actually linked to BD, like Dr. Kay R. Jamison hypothesizes?) I've been through some depression since then, even on medication, but overall, I have to say that it's a blessing in disguise because I can sympathize more with others who have mood disorders. In any case, it sure beats other life-threatening illnesses--bipolar comes with highs!

Go-Between (March 16, 2004):  I wonder if my first manifestation of Bipolar perturbation appeared caused by my strong will to be different from other people.

Since I am a teenager, I consider myself different from other people, and even more: a special boy. I guess many people have the need for their ego, to consider themselves special. Everybody wants to be unique. Normality sounds to me like vulgarity - superfluous human beings. Normal people lead a meaningless and a dull life. It doesn’t matter if they are the most happy people in the world. The values are: to have a life history (different from common people), to be an interesting person and… who would say, the pride of having suffered a lot and still have survived (not to mention that, for Christians, this means, as well, to deserve heaven).
Until I was 22, my sentimental and sexual life were a misery. My weapon was to sublime me by writing. I was a writer, I was special. But still, I had not lived fully in the real life. And I need desperately the attention and affection of all people. “I am human and I need to be loved, just like anybody else”. I was not an energetic person. I was very shy, unconfident, and with a low self esteem. I had to be “super-like me”. I had the urge to be very confident and socially very accepted, respected and admired. Mostly I lived in an empty life, I needed to create self history. What better thing to accomplish all this? To have a long maniac phase! I was unsatisfied with my life and myself. I had to be better than I was until then. No doubt, I got that with a mania attack. My ego was on fire. I was a super-man, I was the second coming of the messias  on earth. Jesus was my old brother.
Then it came a depression. That was real hell. Then two more maniac-depressions episodes. They were very strong. Never been such a popular guy. There were people wishing to know me. There were people who envy me. Ten years passed in normality. Bipolar perturbation returned on last summer.

The point is: I had great moments, but, for sure, the price to pay is far to high! If the price is a terrible depression, thanks, I want to be exorcised from this perturbation.
Though, since all is past, the suffering is gone, I don’t regret to had those crazy episodes. Those manias are part of the best times in my life (to look for the positive sight). On the other hand, depressions were the only living hells of my life. The idea of having mania episode is a temptation (and the depression part is, for sometimes, neglected by bipolares).
Enough, I had what I wanted, to live and be closer to what I wish to live and be. But really, the best, the real best times of my life were lived in normality – Ok, in the few happy times. Because, even when I was in mania there was a lot of suffering. Although, a kind of energetic suffering that was also a strength to me. That suffering could not scratch my sense of greatness.
I liked Kandra post. Bipolar perturbation shapes our soul. If you are happy with yourself then it seems that all things that happened in the past have contributed to what you are now. So you wouldn’t change anything. Like Shakespeare said: “All’s well when ends well”.

This sickness is no gift. It's a drug.

Ooops, are you sill there? Sorry for the long and boring text.

Cecilia (March 17, 2004):  Is bipolar disorder a gift? Today I say NO WAY
Tomorrow or next week I'll say YES

My response to that question is going to be inconsistent....so is my outlook on that subject...    Isn't that within the problematic boundaries of the chaotic contradictory life we lead living with this beast?
Wait a while ----------------
The curse becomes a gift.............
and then------------
The gift becomes a curse.

There's always a pay-off....If I weigh out the pros and cons, the pay-off for the pros wipe them out altogether..
Excesses leave a deficit....One that can't be paid when there's a negative balance in the account.

I am all that I'm not   --- I'm not all that I am.
-  true because of Bipolar disorder.

 I love who I am ---- I hate that it took 38 years to stop the self-loathing.

I hope I can say I love myself next week...
I hope y'all love yourselves no matter how bad you feel..  We come into this world in the same condition, unwittingly...naked, screaming, covered in goop.   Then we're given challenges ......  Bipolar or not....
But we are all stuck in this condition.......The human condition.  Being human makes us imperfect naturally.  Being bipolar forces us into awareness and makes us have to do something about it....or self-destruct....Maybe we fight it, work at it and try instead to self-construct....

I'm constantly under construction...It's a roller-coaster ride.... the excitement is wearing off.......Pushing into 40 years, I never thought I'd be here like this now............Why am I still naked, screaming and covered in goop?

Is it worth getting better after all this time?
How do you start living at almost 40 years old?

Catherine (March 18, 2004):  I believe that BP is both a gift and a curse. So many of the previous contributors have given similar opinions to mine.  One lady says that BP is a part of her, and a teenager says that she feels that normality is boring. I have to agree with those statements. Another lady said that she has done a lot of soul searching, which she appreciates.

 I like the BP in that I have learned to appreciate the deeper things in life, and I have become a good person because of the changes that I have been forced to make in my life. Without the BP which has made me more mature, I would have stayed a spoiled, whiney brat and never achieved any sort of growth. I would never have learned any sort of humility, and so, for this part of BP,  I am grateful.

 As for career and function in the world, this is where BP is a curse.  I cannot seem to become stronger, which I need to do to function in the world. About every two years, I have some sort of breakdown. It matters not that I have had 26 years of therapy, and it matters not that I have a bachelor's in Social Work. I am so fragile that anything that most folks deal with, like harassment, or being treated badly at work or other hardships of life seem to "boll me over."  To be honest, I 'm not quite sure what to do.

So, my BP is a curse in that I am facing the possibility of getting on disability, which I really don't want to do.  However, the BP is a part of me, and I cannot imagine life without it. I know the deepest depths of the soul and the greatest highs-I have seen heaven and ****........for this I would trade nothing, as I see a world in which people are so numb to that which is spiritual.

Barbara (March 18, 2004):  I'm just wondering how or why any potentially life-threatening illness could be considered a gift.  Are we gifted in the sense that we are lucky that we don't have something more serious than bipolar disorder?  If I go to a Diabetes Support Site, would I be likely to find a forum that asks if anyone would trade their gift of diabetes to be normal? 

We're not lucky, we're not special, and we're no more gifted than people with diabetes or cancer or heart disease.  We're ill, period! 

I am not bipolar...I have bipolar illness, so there is no way I will ever concede that giving up being bipolar would take away from who I am.  In fact, I firmly believe that being well would enhance who I am! 

I have things that I am thankful for, but any gifts that I might possess have absolutely nothing to do with bipolar disorder.  Indeed, living with demons thwarts rather than enhances. 

It may be true that during periods of mania, many people can accomplish things that they might not accomplish otherwise, but consider this:  If the lists of famous bipolars were complete, they would contain many names that you would in no way wish to be associated with.

Noria (March 22, 2004):  In the ten years I have been undergoing treatment I have thought a lot about what being bipolar really means in my life and my personality.  I've never seen proof that if the illness was somehow removed, personality and creativity would remain intact.  Being a creative professional, I wouldn't take the chance that bipolarism was somehow the lynch pin of my being.

Irish Eyes (March 23, 2004):  I believe Bipolar disorder is simply a label, a word to describe certain individuals who society deems as NOT NORMAL according to their standards.  Words, simply words, gift-curse depends on how you look at it.  If you want it to be a curse then it certainly can be, if you think of it as a gift then it certainly will be.  Nothing is either good or bad (gift or curse) it is thinking that makes it so.  Cecilia, life begins at 40 so they say.  I think we can choose to believe we are normal or abnormal, can't we just be.  Can't we simply live one moment at a time and stop worrying about the disease that the DRs say we have, simply believing we have a disease makes us not feel good to begin with.  Personally, I would rather be well.  The Psychiatrist said that it is all a thinking error, so we need to start thinking differently.  If we believe we are ill, then surely we WILL BE ILL, if we think we are healthy then we will be.  Cognitive behavioural therapy is very interesting, as a man thinks so he becomes, so start thinking healthy thoughts and you will start to feel healthy - easy as pie.  What you think is what you feel, so ask yourself what were you thinking, if you keep thinking about the illness all the time, what are you going to feel ILL.  Mind over matter, simply believe that you are well, it's that simple.  It's what you believe, if you believe the pills help then they do, if you believe you have side effects then you will have them.  Change your thoughts and you change your world.  Now, if I could take all this advise and I will.  Thanks for letting me vent.  God Bless you all.  much love

Go-Between (March 23, 2004):  For those who wouldn't trade bipolar perturbation, how do you handle the idea of the risk of having a bipolar kid and imagine that he/she will pass through what you have passed. All that suffering.

Nicole (March 25, 2004):  (In response to Go-Between:  For those who wouldn't trade bipolar perturbation, how do you handle the idea of the risk of having a bipolar kid and imagine that he/she will pass through what you have passed. All that suffering.)

Out of my three children, I have concern that two of them may develop symptoms of bipolar. I don't think of them as having to "pass through what [I] have passed" or "suffering."  To experience pain and/or to suffer is a part of the human experience whether we have bipolar or any other circumstance.  Each of us feels frustration and pain relative to our own experiences and the choices we make. 

As I grow and make positive lifestyle changes regarding exercise, nutrition, relationships, and self-care, I find that my need to look outward for help with Bipolar is minimal.

I do believe that in the soul searching, I've come to understand myself (and human nature in general) to a much deeper degree than if I did not have the mania, the mixed episodes, and the depression.  I feel extremely fortunate, at the age of 33, to find my feet on the ground and realize that I've reached a level of emotional maturity, empathy, and compassion that many people twice my age won't ever reach.

While my children might be at risk of having Bipolar, I take comfort in understanding that many environmental factors can trigger the onset and can effect the severity.  I don't mean to predict that I can control whether they will be Bipolar, but many of the lifestyle changes I have adopted for my own health are excellent for them (Bipolar or not).  Many people live their lives not understanding how our biological clocks, sensitivity to natural and artificial light, nutrition, exercise, and thinking errors affect our functioning and quality of life.  Sure, I have to police these things in my life in order to keep the mania and depression at bay, but I am also appreciative that, while my need for structure may be extreme, the principles are sound for every living being.  My children will not be victims of their own ignorance in these matters.

At any rate, in spite of my best efforts, I realize that my children may have the extreme moods and behaviors.  But, dealing with ruling out other explanations will be minimal compared to the laundry list I went through.  Many times my Bipolar was/is worsened by my own actions.

I have come to accept a responsibility and humility that I observe most people do not have.  It comes from the mood swings and the choices I've made during and following them.  I do love myself and I love my children.  Whether they experience Bipolar or not, they will have the good fortune of having me as their mother and that is a great thing.  I know that my outlook and my attitude have everything to do with my being able to offer them help for any circumstance they face.  My attitude and actions are a model for my children.

With that being said, I can only add that I am at peace in my own space and my love for myself is unconditional.  I attribute that to the fast and extreme lifestyle I've lived in the past and the experience I've gained from it.  While I have felt the "suffering," I've felt moments of love beyond description.  From that perspective, I don't know how I could fear my children being bipolar.  It's a tough road, but aren't all the roads bumpy in places?  In the end, I'm sure it's all in how we choose to think about it.

JJH (March 28, 2004):  I myself am a Rapid Cycler II, which I understand to mean that my manias are mostly composed of anxiety and panic attacks. I do not experience the glorious or creative highs that other manics glowingly describe. Our maid of honor killed herself with this illness, and I have been close on many occasions. Maybe the Doctors need to further break down the classifications of this illness, because the Bi-Polar that I have and have experienced in my family members (~75% paternal side occurrences), including my daughter since she was 5, (Yes, children can have it) is a hideous, evil, tormenting illness that couldn't be much worse than anything in Dante's inferno. Maybe we need to understand that there are different classifications of this illness, but I can tell you that although I will never take my own life, I many times long for a place where I can be free from this vile disgusting illness. If it is a gift, than I must thank Satan, because only he could be so gracious and generous. 

Maree (March 31, 2004):  After struggling with life for 28years 3 hospitalizations and many breakdowns I was finally diagnosed with BP the year before last. It was of great relief to me that it wasn't all in my head, that I truly was different to the people around me.  As hard as it can be to sometimes carry the label that goes with having a mental illness, it reminds me that "hey Im doing ok". There are always people out there worse off then me.  I wouldn't call having BP a gift, however I wouldn't trade it either.  The experiences I have had in my life, good and bad have made me the caring compassionate person that I am today.  I have good med's now and life is good.  I have been given this illness to help others in life.  I have almost completed my degree in counseling, and will use my illness to work with others with similar life difficulties.  It can be hard when your down as far as you feel you can go, but things will get better.  I never thought I would be so happy within myself - (ever). To those of you who are in that place, hang in there, life is worth living.

Psychotic Feature (April 6, 2004):  Although it takes me on a wild trip, I wouldn't change it.  Colors are brighter and more vivid, my mind can do amazing things (that are recognized by others as being pretty darn good).  I also understand the deep pain that others can feel.  It is this very disease that brought me to a psychology degree for the specific purpose of helping others.  I would not be here were it not for this disease.  God gave me a gift of helping and healing and I would not have recognized it otherwise.

Shelly (April 7, 2004):  I go day by day, fighting the angry feelings and depression I get from being bipolar, and I just cant see how anybody can look at this  horrible disease as a gift, I realize that there are worse things out there, but to dream of having 1 good day little lone a good week, w/o having to feel anxiety , or wanting to give up, or confusion, short memory, loss of concentration, and no patience with family, I dream and pray to feel peace and happiness every day, And fight against my illness daily. Yes i have good moments but its rarely, and i thank god for my wonderful kids for being by my side and understanding, for i cant always be there for them. I know im very lucky for having them. So on that part im very happy! If it wasn't for my bipolar I could say my life is perfect!!!

MB (April 7, 2004):  In high school, I was an excellent student at a difficult college prep school. But when all my friends and I went to college, I failed miserably (not knowing I was BP) and they all graduated and got great jobs. I was lost. Years later I am still in a menial job.. taking classes one by one. But though I may not look like a success to everybody else-- I am in love my life and am proud of myself. I have learned many ways to make this so.                                                          

For one, I never compare myself to people w/out BP. This is the path chosen for me and as long as I do my job (dealing with BP) and improve my life to the best of my abilities, then I am a success! 2nd: I surround myself with many good "healthy" people. I seperate myself from getting too emotionally connected to people with continuous emotional problems, b/c the emotional energy I expend in helping them may be the last bit I have left to pull myself out of the dreggs. 3rd: I surround myself with hobbies, pets, and people that make me smile and laugh. When you're really down and out, there is nothing like an wet, unjudgemental puppy nose nudging you to make you feel loved. 4th: I am careful to cultivate good, strong relationships b/c someone in my condition can not afford to burn bridges or be a loner.
This is part of an essay I wrote explaining BP:
It is as though a child, who has gone on a hike through the mountains, constantly stops to look, smell, and touch everything... sometimes taking little detours off the path, until she suddenly looks up and sees that the rest of the family has meandered on, chattering pleasantly, unaware of the child left behind. She frantically runs to catch up with her family and stays with them a while, until something else along the path calls her away. When the hike is finished, the little girl may be more exhausted then the rest, but in the end she is in the van with all of her family, heading home. I, like the little girl, will have incredible things to dream about while driving through the lush valleys.

Though there will always be the rough times, I feel it is a gift b/c God would not have chosen to give it to me if I couldn't handle it.

Cheryl (April 11, 2004):  I hate being Bipolar and I love it.  I hate it because my family wishes I weren't. because they aren't. and I hate it because the "world" wishes I weren't...because it isn't.  I love it, because I see what no one else sees. The world is a different place to me, than it is to "them". As a Bipolar, I am artistic, creative, articulate, brilliant, comedic, cynical, energetic and yet I can't hold a job for a minute. It's a shame, too, because I am a very talented Photographer (that's what I've been told anyway). Does it bother me, that I can't hold a job, though? No. Not right now, anyway. It just bother's everyone else, and being the cynic that I am, I find a wealth of joy in that...today anyway.  The thing I don't like about being Bipolar is the inability to remember much of anything.  My childhood, (though I know that I was molested as a young girl) is, to me, nonexistent.  I suppose I could sit around and worry over "this and that" of being "wronged" as a child and so forth and I do, on a typically bad day...but it's far and few in between, because on bad days, I sleep.  I do tend to muse over memories that are faint, wondering if what I remember and what actually happened are one in the same.  Another is the "con's" of being Bipolar is a bad memory. When I relay a story to my husband or family...well *sigh*...9 times, out of 10, the story has been completely changed.  It's not intentional, of course.  I try to relay things that are are of import or humor with precise and correct detail...but somehow, it comes out completely contorted and distorted and I'm the only one who appreciates it.  A Bipolar "Pro"? (as opposed to a "con")  My husband is my anchor.  Every BiPolar individual should have an anchor!  He is my confidante, my cheering squad, my minister, my HERO!  He's also my reality check, my memory bank, the keeper of the checks and money (thank God!) and my firing squad (only when humorously needed). 

Anonymous (April 13, 2004):  Depending on which phase we are in the answer would be different. For my answer.. I would say yes. First of all i do not know what it means to be normal. so how do i know I want it?  I would not be who I am today. I would not have experienced my adventures due to my highs and life lessons from my lows. The people who are in my life, who have stuck by me despite everything, are a special group. They can handle me, which means they are strong. Would I have strong people in my life without the disease? There are times when I want to do die. I choose not to kill myself for I have learned how valuable my life is. Those who are suicidal without this disorder... do they have the same advantage?   Their are so many things that I regret in my life, even obsess over. But without those moments, would I have lost out on the right choices?   When times are hard i would beg to be normal... when I am high... I wouldn't care.... When i am normal (for me) I wouldn't change a thing.

Post your opinion  here.