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My Struggles Articles

When I First Knew I Was Different

Alone, Against the World

Aloysious and Me

Crash and Burn

To Madness and Back

A Thanksgiving Tribute

Healing

Post 9/11 Thanksgiving

 My Struggles with Depression and Mania

Nearly all my life, I always knew there was something different about me, even as I denied what it was that set me apart and tried to pretend I was normal.  Once I finally acknowledged the obvious, my whole life for the first time began to make sense.

The first five articles in this collection trace my life from childhood to my manic blow-out in 1988.  "When I First Knew I Was Different" describes a day in the life of an Elvis-loving six-year-old.  "Alone, Against the World" recounts my painful journey into adolescence.  "Aloysious and Me" looks back at first love, grandparents, and a family saint.  "Crash and Burn" traverses 16 years of adulthood, and "To Madness and Back" culminates in my emotional breakdown.

Ultimately, after nearly a lifetime of denial, comes acceptance and healing.  "A Thanksgiving Tribute", "Healing", and "Post 9/11 Thanksgiving"  represent my making peace with a condition that is part of me. I entertain no illusions about who the true master is in this relationship.  I am fully aware of what can happen to me the next time this companion I've named "Fred" decides to show me who's boss.  But for right now, I can live with that. I really have no other choice.

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